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Thursday, November 18, 2004
Brownsville At Large
The soundtrack of my life these days includes this awesome band I recently learned about called Modest Mouse. Their music is so awesome and f-ing brilliant...I mean it just fills that existential void inside that we all sometimes carry...somedays the void is an overwhelming blackhole and other days it's as tiny as the head of a pin needle. Most of the time it's just there, hiding behind our ambitions in pursuit of meaning and happiness, keeping us a little uneasy and little insecure. That's how life goes I suppose, but I may be too young to say. (You see, existential void right there, making me say that!) lol. When I started to really pay attention to their songs and lyrics, it felt like when you call out "Is anyone out there?!" from the top of a huge canyon, but this time the echo is not a repetition of your own voice, but an answer...even if it just someone relating...so yeah, I am psyched because I haven't felt this way for new music in a long while.
Here are the lyrics to their song "The World at Large". It really speaks to me so I want to share it with you all.
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.
I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.
I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.
If you all want to hear a clip of the song or buy it click here.
It has been 6 months since my return to Brownsville. At times, it is so good and sometimes it is frustrating....one (as in I, but 3rd person is much funner isn't it?) has to fight with two wills inside...the will to stay and really make a contribution, to learn as much as possible about what you didn't understand as a teenager, what one didn't see, making new and innovative things happen, appreciating the things that were already happening...and then there is the will to leave and take from someone else's contributions somewhere else, because you don't want to deal with reasons you left for...you just want to travel, meet new people, see new things, do new things...not having to convince anyone or fighting for a better this or that, because it's already there...I know, it's all very bipolar...but I am assuming how I feel at times has nothing to with the actual disease and more with a transition in life...which is turning out to be a very interesting one.
It is an interesting time for Generation Y..(my generation 1978-1988)...before social chaos, a crumbling economy and what seems like a crumbling world filled with terror and hate became a very real reality...we had an open world before us...we were supposed to be the new yuppies in a sense, but more hopeful, progressive and altruistic to some point... But now our opportunity tank has shrunk and many of us end up with wonderful potential but many closed doors. But in a way, this also makes us have to be more innovative and push our potential and skills...perhaps there is hope for Generation Y..but for now it's something not as accessible...many of us are surviving by the edge of our skins...but perhaps it's the thickest skin in the world, because there are millions out there who have it worse. So like Modest Mouse says, " Ice-age heat wave, can't complain. If the world's at large, why should I remain? Walked away to another plan. Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand."
So in quoting that, am I talking about Brownsville? Do I want to leave? I don't think so (atleast for now) I like to think Brownsville will always be home, but you have to leave atleast for 6 weeks, and get new perspective. It is easy to get caught up in a bubble mentality...but this goes for anywhere and not just Brownsville...even Manhattan (which would be a bigger bubble, but a bubble none the less)...so in knowing this...there is hope and there is potential..because life can change and one can change, people can change and places can change. Change is the only constant and the greatest contributor to the human condition..so why complain? Just deal.
So yeah....I don't know what I am saying..like Modest Mouse says "My thoughts are so loud I couldn't hear my mouth". So I'll just babble-rant until something makes sense. It's all okay.
New Post Coming Soon: (I need some time, Part 2 will be a doozy!)
A Babble-Rant Reflection: Part Two / Getting My Float On In Brownsville
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