Floating In Brownsville

About some time ago, I said I would conclude a post I wrote called Brownsville at Large, with a new post called "Getting My Float In Brownsville". I based that post on the Modest Mouse song "The World at Large", trying to make some sort of existential connection to a confusing world that seemed to have lost its essence.

But today a most wonderous event happened, so filled with essence and humble joy, that I feel my heart lifted to the skies. My baby nephew was born this evening. He is beautiful and the best Christmas gift ever! He was supposed to be a January baby, but December 23rd turned out to be the day!

But before he was born, I was so scared. I was scared for my sister. I was scared for him. I was scared for my brother-in-law who was hauling ass from San Antonio in cold weather through high traffic. (He made it just in time to go into the OR.) You see I was to be his replacement if he was not able to make it on time. I was so scared I would faint and not be able to be there for my sister or the baby.

And because I was so scared I was also so angry, for reasons that make no sense to me right now. I am just not a fun person when I am mad, sad or scared. So my brother-in-law did make it on time, and the nurses allowed my parents and I to wait in a small area outside the OR. Our anticipation was climaxing and our prayers intensifying...but then I heard the most wonderful, wonderful noise in the world-- the cries of a baby...and at that moment everything negative was just lifted..he was born. My heart grew ten fold, and all the fear and anger just felt like nonsense.

After that, I felt every good and honest feeling surge through me and I then knew... life didn't have to always make sense because as long as the heart can be lifted as much as I felt mine go, then that would be sense enough. You see, going back to the "Brownsville at Large" post, I was trying to make sense out of things that were supposed to make sense (in view of my expectations) but didn't. So I figured, okay...to be happy I just have to reformulate my life strategies, get that full-time job, loose weight, get organized, build good self-esteem...and you know...all that Dr. Phil/Oprah self-help therapy...and then maybe...after all of that...I will finally get my float on in Brownsville.

Yet even though that is all good and I will keep working at those goals...it just seemed like nonsense in comparison to the essences of life..like family, love and the rejuvenation of a broken heart. I realized in the most miraculous way that I could be happy without meeting all those goals. To hear his cries today...to see him in person...I felt so alive...and he is not even my child (I can only imagine what is must be like for my sister and brother-in-law.) Unfortunately I missed when my niece was born because I was in Italy, so I didn't know what to expect when my baby nephew was to be born. I mean, I figured I would be happy about it...but I didn't think I would feel such a cornucopia of blessings and joy... that I would feel changed.

As I got in my car, I turned on the radio and lo and behold guess what song was playing??? Modest Mouse's "Float On"...the song I was hoping would be my triumphant anthem as I would get rolling on my self-help goals. I have not met them, but at that moment in my car I realized...I am floating...I AM freaking FLOATING in Brownsville! And I had remembered my earlier post and how I didn't think I would feel my heart so alive until I met those goals...So in honor of my nephew... my family's good news...I am going to post the lyrics to Modest Mouse's "Float On"...whose feel good lyrics I hope he will remember when the world is a bit too at large for him...that essence is indeed over existence! That good news will always come to get your float back on.

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Float On
By Modest Mouse

I backed my car into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much oh what can i say
Well you just laughed it off it was all ok

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on any way well

Well, a fake Jamaican took every last dime with a scam
It was worth it just to learn from sleight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans
We both got fired on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on good news is on the way

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Now don't worry we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Alright don't worry we'll all float on

And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Aliright don't worry even if things end up a bit to heavy
we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Ok don't worry we'll all float on
Even if things get heavy we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Don't you worry we'll all float on
All float on

To hear a clip of the song click here.

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FELIA NAVIDAD Y PROSPERO AñO NUEVO!
I hope you are passing it very well and I wish you the best of the holiday season!